24 10 2016

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 45 years since my last confession”. A tad longer that I have felt the need to post anything.

Recently, a detour sign has been dumped on my chosen path. At 58, vibrant, health conscious and active (well not so much active but not overweight at all!) I’m now facing, out of left field, stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease.

I guess we all go through what I’m about to write, at some time or another.
In the space of two weeks, I went from a vibrant, energetic and positive person to someone who is a stranger to me. I was in control.

My love of painting, writing, photography, my decades long genealogy research and most of all, riding my Harley, I thought I had it all under control.

My loving husband of 36 years and my 3 adult children who are all highly qualified and happy, will always be my greatest blessing.

But now – I feel totally disconnected from my body. My mind tells me this cannot be but I’m wrong. It’s as though my body is being controlled by something else, a mind of its own.

I thought I had been doing it “right” all these years, healthy diet, moderate excessive, mental stimulation, my faith and most importantly, giving and receiving unconditional love to and from family and friends.

Maybe I have, only now, been awakened to my own mortality. I guess, not unlike mourning, there are stages which one has to go though, in order to accept that I’ve which you have very little control. With the love of the Lord and my family and friends, I’ll, hopefully, get to a better “head space”.




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